Years spent living at my mom’s house after living it up on my own felt like a cruel joke. I went from living in the fast lane to going bumper to bumper. All I could think was what if I never experience that type of joy again? What if I’m never able to have accomplishments on that level again? When will I ever feel free? My twin-sized bed couldn’t hold all my ambition. And my new surroundings just didn’t make sense. I was being squeezed into a reputation, lifestyle, and career that just didn’t fit who I really was. Why wasn’t I going anywhere?
I wasn’t fully developed.
I had ideas, talents, passions, and fearlessness. But I lacked humility, patience, structure, and faith. Not completely…but enough to put my dreams on hold until I could grow into living in them. It took me a while until I was able to uncover the cause of getting sooo close yet so quickly becoming so far away. The problem wasn’t the idea, my background, or my drive. What I really needed to build wasn’t my bank account, it was my character.
And it’s not to say I was a bad person. I was the type of person who got things easily. I moved quickly and was able to place a checkmark next to my goals without much thought. And that was the problem. Imagine if everything just comes to you. You don’t even realize the type of person you are. You just go on living in your own world, wondering why everyone else isn’t busy living in theirs. If I was able to achieve the things I wanted I would have done it all and lacked understanding. A lack of understanding would have led to a lack of compassion and there would have been a huge disconnect between myself and the ones I wanted inspire.
Developing your character isn’t easy and it doesn’t come from trying. It just happens. Life sits you down and puts your flaws on the table. It’s up to you to do the things you need to do to address them. I went about it by serving others. I did things for other people. I worked on their terms. I was on their time. I listened to what they had to say to me. It was not fun. It has not been fun at all.
I had to put myself to the side in order to allow my character to build. I think when I look back over my life these last years will be the most valuable to my journey. Now that I’ve added humility, structure, faith, and patience (still working on the patience thing), my ideas, talents, passions, and fearlessness will become more beneficial to myself and others.