I’ve been a Beyonce fan since the 8th grade. From Writings on the Wall to Lemonade – I’ve nodded my head, cried, danced, smiled wagged my finger, snapped my neck, and screamed ‘Go Bey’ the whole way through. You can say I’m a little invested in her music. Not an uber fan who will attack people on social media at any mal mention of Bey. I mean – I’m level-headed. But I’ve always been a supporter.
And I still am.
Even with all my love and support I walked away from #LEMONADE filled with sorrow. My friends texted me, telling me they like the black vibe. I never saw it. I just saw her pain.
Maybe I could relate.
I mean – I’m not all in her life but I must admit I’m a little sad. Will I ever have another great album? Or was everything lost when her heart was demolished? Forgive me if I’m being a tad dramatic, considering everyone else just labeled it ‘great’ and moved on. But I’m left feeling disturbed. I watched this woman profess her love so publicly, so deeply, so dangerously for years. It was beautiful. It was such a display of honor and love.
I love hard. I know what’s like to be in a relationship and feel unseen. To feel that everyone but the one you love can see you in all your glory. To feel like you’re the only one in the relationship who understands that the other girls are only interested in him… because they want a piece of me. Does he not see?
What I learned is that you don’t have to stay to prove yourself. And honestly, my mom taught me that. But it was always supported through Beyonce’s music and other music I listened to.
It’s ok to forgive, but you don’t have to accept all the broken pieces as your life. It’s not always a kintsukuroi. And that’s fine.
When you give yourself to a person and they give themselves to another person, that person is telling you that they aren’t worthy of the love you give them. It hurts. It makes you feel that so much was a lie. But you have to accept reality.
Sometimes you’re too much for another person. Sometimes they struggle to see you as a teammate because they already know they aren’t your equal. You can still forgive. No love has to be lost. But you can’t stunt your own growth. You can’t stunt who you are to stay on the level of someone who was never on your level (of love).
As women, we have to value ourselves and our hearts. There are things we accept and things we don’t. We can lose the relationship, but keep the love. And sometimes letting go is the best way to move forward. Instead of you stopping your on progress to “try” to fix what has been broken with that person, heal your own heart. Keep moving your own life forward. Explore. Find new things you’re interested in, even with a sad heart. Allow yourself to blossom again with time. And what will he be doing? Well, if he is worthy he will chase you. He will profess his love so openly, so raw, so undeniably…and only then you can be on the same page with him. But you have to leave in order to do it. And not just live separate. You have to leave, leave. You’ll still love, you’ll still communicate, you’ll still be sad, and you’ll still hold hope. But you have to blossom again, as a new flower for him to love. If he pursues (healthily) than he’s worthy to come back. But don’t stop your life to pick up his pieces. Explore, learn life on your own two feet, allow someone else to show you respect and make you smile.
His decisions, his pieces to pick up, his love to develop and profess Keep moving forward. You will survive.