It’s easy to let your emotions get in the way of love. Love isn’t a feeling. It’s a commitment to honesty, courage, openness, warmth, gratitude, and appreciation. You commit to these things day in and day out—when the fuzzy feeling is present and when it’s not. It has to be renewed daily.
People don’t place the same expectation of love on their parents as they do their mates. People want their mates to constantly make them feel good or they think ‘the feeling has changed’. If your love is based on a feeling then you’re screwed. Emotions change all the time. This concept is accepted when it comes to your parents, but it’s not always accepted when it comes to your mate. Why is that?
The easiest explanation is that people are chasing a euphoric feeling and not really looking for love. They are looking to feel good. They’re looking for an escape. It uses another person for their own pleasure. But that’s not love. Love is giving.
To be honest, the euphoric feeling only exists if you create it. You have to lay down the atmosphere for that to exist. Another person can’t create your euphoria. The feelings you felt about someone when you first met them that were sooo great were feelings you created within yourself. It’s not something they magically sprinkled on you.
True love and a great escape are two different things. It’s unhealthy to look to another person for your happiness. Of course if you love someone they influence your mood. And yes- you should choose the person that makes you feel good. But that feel good feeling you had on date 3 isn’t why you love them. Its up to you to commit to creating the euphoric environment you want to live in.
Love isn’t a feeling. It’s a dedication you make to another person to respect, honor, care, and appreciate them. Until you understand that, you’ll never find (or keep) love. You have to renew that dedication you have to the other person on a daily basis. You renew when you get hurt, renew when they misunderstand you, renew when they don’t do exactly what you want and how you want it, renew when you’re feeling down, renew when something tragic happens, renew when you’re angry, and renew when tempted. If you can’t make the commitment to constantly dedicate yourself to love, then you won’t have love in your life.
Let’s be honest—no one is a true joy to be around 24/7. People have their ups and downs. I couldn’t pin my love on a rollercoaster ride. I have to pin my love on a personal dedication that I make (to God, myself, and the other person) that supersedes temptation, frustrations, and life’s ups and downs.
All while I’m writing this I want to say ‘duh’ but its really not that obvious. If more people understood what love was, there would be less divorce. And way less broken hearts. You choose to love your mate because they are someone you can honor and respect, not because you feel like smiling.