Guys KNOW How To Turn Me Off! Ladies…It’s Your Fault

Guys know how to turn me off. And it seems like it’s just me because the rest of you all must be accepting this nonsense for it to continue this long. So for my sake let’s go through the list of complete turn offs so that we can all get on the same page as females and put an end to this once and for all.

Turn offs:

THE EX THAT CAN’T FIND THE EXIT

Exes are the worst. What is wrong with them? Question to all my exes—Why am I on your monthly email lists? Second question—Am I the only person on these mailing lists… something tells me I am! From how many email addresses must I hit ‘unsubscribe’? I’m not the type that wants you hanging around. Get alllllllll the way out. You are not the ego boost I’m looking for in life. Please exit to the left… permanently. And delete my email addresses (and phone number!).

 

WE ALL KNOW SHE’S MORE THAN A FRIEND…

….so do I really have to pretend? How about you take a little time to figure it out (meaning decide between closing that chapter or continuing what we have going on ASAP). As females—the second we bring in a “friend” they can’t handle life. Yet we are expected to play nice with their little ego boost or we’re jealous. Nothing is more of a turn off. NOT. ONE. THING. The fact that he would even think that you have to be around the nonsense is enough to let you know to keep looking. How about we all stop playing this game. In the words of Trina in her song with Kelly “I’m too fly for this shit, you’re playing yourself!” (Yes, I did just make that reference #noapologies)

 

ARE YOU GOOD ENOUGH?

The other day I’m completely schooling my brother in basketball at Dave and Busters. Next to me is a poor girl whose boyfriend enlisted her in a competition she wasn’t invited to join. Next thing you know the girl is trying to beat my score to please him. Mind you—he’s not even playing! He’s “coaching” the arcade game(!!!). I’m sure she just wanted to go on a date.

I’m not here to compete with any other girls on any level. If you are concerned that I’m not the best in any of the areas you prefer me to be the best in—please search for that person and leave me be.

 

“I’M LOOKING FOR MY MOM”

Why is it without fail that when I would go on a date I’m asked whether or not I can cook? Maybe I should ask for your last pay stub to see whether or not working would be my choice. They’re looking for a housewife yet I still need a 9-5? I am not here to cook for you. That question is soooo insulting. Is this 1932? So to the girl who is bragging about being able to throw it down in the kitchen—give it a rest until you get the ring. Maybe we should stop playing wife until we actually are one.

 

THE SHERLOCK HOLMES TYPE

Stay out of my stuff! There is nothing I could ever do that would lead my boyfriend to switch careers and become a private investigator. My stuff is my stuff. His stuff is his stuff. He doesn’t need the code to unlock my phone. Nor do I feel like changing the hiding place for my diary. Put the magnifying glass down and have a seat!

 

THE RATER

Ok so as women we are expected to look a certain way, do the things guys like, sleep with them, cook for them, and like…they don’t even have any money. Please help them keep their lives in perspective. Stop allowing them to say whether or not a girl is a six or a seven if their salaries don’t have six or seven figures. Who has time for this? Why are they walking around rating women? What is wrong with them? It’s so disgusting!!

 

MR. ARGUMENTATIVE

What are we arguing about again? And PLEASE explain why there is always a problem. I’m not the arguing type… and I can’t stand an argumentative guy. An argumentative guy is a sign of someone with CLEAR issues.

 

“MY FRIEND SAID…”

Why won’t he stop telling me what his friend said? It’s confusing. Am I dating him or his friend? You want a guy who can determine his own preferences. What his friend likes/wants/needs is the problem for his girl. I don’t have to do the things he wants because (…wait for it…) I’m not with him! #CallTyrone

 

Guys know how to turn me off. But are you ladies helping them? How are they getting away with this nonsense? Please control yourselves so we can control them.

 

Here are a few rules:

-If you’re not his wife, don’t act like it. There are enough things for girlfriends to do. Stay in your lane, and keep him in his. When he is ready for the things a wife does, he will make you his wife. Until then, you are the girlfriend. Enjoy the dates.

-Other women are not the enemy. (Ok—maybe if shes out of line she is.) We are not in a huge competition. We are supposed to be a TEAM. Pop in your Crazy.Sexy.Cool. CD from TLC and fix your perspective. #girlpower #rememberthe90s?

-Your whole life isn’t for them. Do your own thing. Enjoy yourself.

-Just leave. Stop allowing the nonsense to continue. Maybe if you don’t let it happen he won’t think the next girl should. You could save me soooo much time and frustration. Help me out.

-Have your own set of standards. When he is telling you all that he expects of you, be sure to let him know what you expect of him. What is it that you want? What will you not stand for? Have a clue.

 

These guys are officially out of control. Ladies—you are too. Let’s all get it together.